


To Begin Again

by protect_rosie



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 23:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3337019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protect_rosie/pseuds/protect_rosie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Sure, it might hurt a little right now, but I promise, the pain will subside eventually. You’ll find the right one some day. I promise. And if you don’t, then you can come back from the grave and pull the covers off me and haunt me at night.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Decision

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write this about another pairing, but then decided on this one, because I’m obsessed with them. Hope this is enjoyed by everyone!!

“Please call me when you get home, okay?” Shelby begged, fixing Kevin’s tie. 

“I’ll call you when my wife’s asleep,” he replied nonchalantly. “Can’t call you if I know there’s a possibility that she can hear.”

“You’re right.”

“Hey now, don’t get sad, alright? You know you’re still my favorite.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Kevin then moved to kiss Shelby, but he moved back, avoiding the contact of their lips. He frowned, but turned to leave anyway, leaving Shelby to how he usually did - sad and confused. Sad because he knew that he had been sharing Kevin with someone else and had been for the past five years and would continue to do so indefinitely. And confused because he wondered why he continued to come see him when he had someone who loved him like he said his wife did. He just wished to have Kevin all to himself. It probably wouldn’t ever happen - Kevin would never divorce his wife to be with him, he’d said it indirectly so many times.

When Shelby heard Kevin take off, he moved towards the bathroom, where he had left his phone. He grabbed it off the left corner of the sink, the one nearest to the mirror, and called someone who probably wouldn’t understand what he was feeling, but would be there to listen regardless. 

“Adam?” 

“This is he,” he replied. “What’s up?”

“May I talk to Michael please? Last time I saw him, he said that his phone was broken and that he hadn’t gotten around to getting a new one.”

“Oh yeah sure, he’s right here,” Adam said, then speaking to Michael. “Babe, it’s Shelby, he wants to speak to you.”

Seconds later Michael’s voice came through, “Wainwright residence, how may I help you?”

“Classy as always, Michael, how are ya?” 

“I’m feeling pretty good, you?”

“Could be better, not feelin’ too hot right now.”

“Oh god,” he said, and Shelby could almost see Michael rubbing his forehead as he grimaced. “Did Siegrist come by again?”

“You know me too well, Wainwright.”

“Siegrist problems again?” Adam’s voice asked, far away, but still close enough for Shelby to hear him. “I’ll fucking punch the guy in the nose and break it, if you want me to, I ain’t scared.”

“I would like that very much, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I’m going to be leaving him soon, that’s if he ever comes back to see me. His wife’s been getting a bit more suspicious and insinuating things more to Kevin than usual, so I don’t know when he’ll be making an appearance in my house again.”

“Tough nubs, I wanted to punch the guy so bad,” Adam retorted, then an ‘oof’ was heard which sounded a lot like when Michael punched him. “What? I’m just telling the truth.”

“I’m going up to our room, you’re too much of a distraction right now, and I don’t think that’s going to help anyone,” Michael announced, more to his husband than to Shelby. Shelby heard Michael’s breaths as he made his way up the stairs, then when he closed the door. “Alright, Adam’s down in the living room now. What happened this time? You need to talk about anything in specific?”

“Well,” Shelby sighed, running his free hand through his hair. “He’s being so robotic about everything now. Like he calls a day before he actually shows up, around nine in the morning, and then shows up the day after at the same time he did in his previous visit. He always kisses my forehead when he comes in, which I don’t mind at all, but it’s like, why does he do that all the time, every time? Then he leaves always saying the same thing, that he won’t call until he’s sure his wife’s asleep because he doesn’t want his wife listening to him. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m not sure how much longer I can take this.”

“Tell me one thing, do you love him?”

“Yes, of course, I love him with all my heart.”

“Then leave him,” Michael replied. “Oh god, this is going to sound so harsh, but I think it’s time you hear it. Leave Kevin. You don’t want to be a homewrecker and that’s exactly what you’re going to do if his wife finds out. Then he’s going to be sad and alone, and who knows, he might even blame you for it. You’re going to destroy his home and I don’t think that’s what someone who loves another person does to them. At least if you leave him right now, while his wife still doesn’t know anything about y’all, you’re going to avoid all that. Sure, it might hurt a little right now, but I promise, the pain will subside eventually. You’ll find the right one some day. I promise. And if you don’t, then you can come back from the grave and pull the covers off me and haunt me at night.”

“For fuck’s sake, Michael, why does each of your advice sessions end with some joke that’s supposed to make me laugh?” 

“Doesn’t it, though?”

“Yeah, it does,” Shelby said, laughing a bit. “But only sometimes. Anyway, you’re right, I should just leave him while everyone’s still unaffected. I’ll tell him, when he calls again, that he needs to come by soon, that we need to have a very serious talk.”

“That’s the fucking spirit.”

“Thanks for all your advice and stupid jokes, they’re greatly appreciated by yours truly.”

“No problem,” he said.

“Well, I’ll leave you to whatever you and Wainwright were doing before I called.”

“Alright, if you need anything else, just call, okay? And, uh, Adam’s birthday party is next weekend and it’d be really awesome if you could make it. It’d mean a lot to us both.”

“Don’t worry,” Shelby said sadly. “I’ll be there regardless of what happens with Siegrist. I will be there.”

“Okay, means a lot.”

“Least I can do. Well, I’ll leave you now. Bye.”

“Bye.”

And then he hung up, courage surging through him. Michael was right - he had to leave Siegrist as soon as possible, while everyone was still unscathed. It wasn’t going to be an easy feat, but it had to be done, for the better of everyone. He would wait until he received a call from Kevin and then, as serious as possible, would tell him that he needs to see him again, and soon.

It would be until nightfall that Kevin would call Shelby, and of course, as always, he called right before he was about to fall asleep.

“Hey,” he said, sounding more asleep than awake at this point. “Just wanted to call to let you know that I got home a while ago.”

“Good to know,” Shelby replied, trying to sound as distant as he could. 

“What’s the matter now?”

“It’s nothing.. I just.. it’s just.. I think I need to see you again soon, we need to talk. Seriously.”

“What about this time, Miller? You’re always being so melodramatic and I’m getting tired of this.”

“Listen, we’re not doing this over the phone. Just call me when you think you’re going to be able to make it, and we’ll leave it at that, okay? Bye.”

Shelby hung up without giving Kevin the chance to say anything else. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with his condescending attitude, and honestly, hanging up on Kevin like that made Shelby feel really empowered.

His phone started to ring soon after. Shelby groaned and without looking at his phone answered, “What?”

“Why did you hang up on me like that?” Kevin asked, this time sounding more awake than a bit ago. “I’m sorry if I sounded mean, you know that I didn’t mean to. I’m just sleepy. That’s all. I’ll be at your house at the same time, is that okay with you?”

“That’s fine. I’m also sorry for hanging up on you like that.”

“There’s no problem there, I deserved it. So, I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I love you.”

“Bye.”

And it was the first time that Shelby hadn’t replied with an ‘I love you too.’


	2. The Split

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which they split.

Shelby would have completely forgotten that he was seeing Kevin until he heard knocks coming from the front door. He had woken up a bit ago and was just laying down, staring at the ceiling. His eyes widened when he heard the first couple of knocks, making him shoot up from his current position.

“Coming!” he yelled, hopefully loud enough for Kevin to hear him downstairs. “I’m going! Just a minute!”

Shelby flew down the stairs, almost falling down twice. He managed to composed himself before he got to the door, opening it in a hurry.

“What was taking you so long?” Kevin asked as he let himself into Shelby’s house, the same way he always did. “I’m actually just passing through so whatever you have to say, please make it quick.”

“I wasn’t intending to take a long time,” he retorted, leading him into his living room, or what there was of it. “And I’d appreciate it if you would tone it down on your condescending attitude for once in your life.”

“Someone must have stepped off of the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

“Are you serious right now? I invited you into my home and this is how you’re going to treat me?”

“Okay, you’re right, I’m sorry. What did you need to talk to me about so urgently, then?”

“I suggest you have a seat,” Shelby said as he gestured to one of the two open spots on his only couch. “This is going to be tough for me and maybe for you too.”

“Uh, you’re worrying me too much right now,” he replied. “Is everything okay? Did I do anything wrong? If so, I sincerely apologize.”

“No, everything isn’t alright.”

“Then tell me. What is it?”

“I love you so much,” he whispered. “But I.. I deserve better. I deserve - oh god, this is going to sound so selfish - but I deserve the best. I deserve someone who is only there for me, someone who I don’t have to share with anyone else. I want someone for me. I want someone that I get to see every day, not once every month. I love you, and in this love that I have for you, I’m going to let you go. I don’t want to destroy your life if your wife somehow found out. I don’t want to be the reason why she divorces you. Tell me, is there a possibility that you might leave her for me, even if it’s just like point five percent?”

“Uh, I don’t know about that.”

“Then that’s exactly it. You obviously wa-”

“No, no, no, you don’t know what I mean-”

“You obviously want to be with your wife more than you want to be with me,” Shelby continued. “And that’s totally fine, I mean, she is your wife. It.. hurts like hell, I’m not going to lie, but that’s just how life goes and I’m not here to judge you for that matter. But the hurt is eventually going to fade away.”

“And what?” Kevin demanded. “You’re going to move on with someone else? You’re going to move on knowing that you broke my heart because I wouldn’t leave my wife for you?”

“Kevin, I’m going to have to move on. I.. it’s just not possible for me to be stuck on you my whole life, it’s not healthy. If you had told me that there was a possibility of point five percent, even that small, I would have clung on it for dear life, but you didn’t, and now I have to let you go. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart.”

“Some good that’s going to do me.”

“I’m sorry. Nothing you say is going to make me change my mind,” Shelby said, grabbing Kevin’s hand and placing it over the general area where his heart is. “You’ll always be in here, the love of my life.”

It was then that Kevin realized that their relationship had run its course. He looked up and saw that Shelby’s eyes were beginning to water, he took his free hand and wiped them away, seeing Shelby lean into his touch. Without thinking twice, Kevin cupped Shelby’s face and kissed him, hard. The kiss was over almost as soon as it began. 

“So this is it?” Kevin asked, offering Shelby a sad smile.

“This is it,” Shelby replied. 

“I love you,” Kevin said before standing up and walking out of Shelby’s living room and house, and at the same time, walking out of his life. When he was in his car again, he said to himself, voice cracking, “I always will,” and then drove off.

Inside his home, Shelby was in tears, in hysterics almost. He never thought it could hurt this much, letting go of someone you thought would always be there. It clawed at his insides and twisted them around like never before. It would certainly take a lot to get over this hurt. He wouldn’t try to do it today though, instead he would go back to bed, and sleep the rest of the day.

And that’s exactly what he did. Shelby woke up twice during the course of the day, only to use the bathroom and drink some water. He decided he had enough sleep when he woke up a third and final time. His stomach grumbled. He went to the local diner and ate a burger, then went back home, not making eye contact with anybody. 

The week went by in the blink of an eye. So fast and quick. Before he knew it, the time for Adam’s birthday party had come. It would be nice to get away from his self loathing and moping. He got ready within ten minutes, then headed out for his friend’s party. There, he let himself loose. He danced and tried his best to forget about everything. 

The buzz of the party would only last for so long, and in Shelby’s case, only for the night. Because the next morning, he would wake up with the most gigantic headache, and wonder to himself why he’d had so many drinks. It would be fine though, he would be fine. 

Over the course of the next three years, his cousin (who was recently widowed) would move in with him, along with his three year old son. He would help his cousin Charlie raise him. They would go to the store together often, and in one of those trips, Shelby chased after the child, following him down the aisles to make sure he wasn’t bumping into anyone. Shelby Jr. (what his cousin insisted he named his son) got away from Shelby and bumped into someone - someone’s leg, rather - and fell on his butt. 

“I’m so sorry, sir,” he apologized, glaring at his cousin’s kid. “Kids get away sometimes and this little one just got away.”

“It’s okay, Shelby,” the man said, making Shelby’s head snap up, because how was it possible that someone, some stranger, knew his name. As soon as he looked up he almost regretted doing so. Kevin continued speaking as if Shelby wasn’t staring at him, “In your kid’s defense, I wasn’t looking.”

“He’s not, my, uh, not my kid. My cousin’s living with me and I was just taking care of him.”

“Oh, I thought ‘well, that was quick.’”

“No,” Shelby said, almost laughing. “I haven’t been or seen anyone since.. you, uh, since you know, you happened.”

“I was that bad, huh?” Kevin replied jokingly, and then after seeing Shelby’s disapproving face, apologized. “Sorry. Uh, you look good.”

“Ah, thanks. You too.. You do too. I mean, you always do, but you know what I mean. Uhm, how’s the wife?”

“Oh, that old hag? We divorced a month after you left me, she was sleeping with my ‘best friend.’ I deserved it,” when Shelby didn’t speak, he continued. “You seeing anyone?”

“Nice to know you still pay the same amount of attention you payed back then,” he joked. “I haven’t been or seen anyone since you and I happened.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Are you seeing anyone?”

“I’ve been on a couple of dates, but they all suck so bad, honestly. There’s someone I have my eye on, though.”

“That’s great, you should let me know how that goes,” Shelby said, hurriedly trying to grab Shelby Jr. from the floor. “It’s time to go.”

“Would it be too weird if you and I went out to get something?”

“Uh, yeah, kind of.”

“Oh come on, just one cup of coffee. You don’t ever have to see me again if you go out with me this one time.”

“Alright.”

“Awesome,” Kevin said, smiling widely. “I’ll give you a call to make plans and everything. Do you still have the same number?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“I’ll call you.”

And it was then, that Shelby realized that maybe they had the chance to begin again.

**Author's Note:**

> an epilogue coming soon!!


End file.
